A while ago, while on my way to work, I experienced something.. something that took my mind to this world again.

It was around 9:45 in the morning, I was riding on a jeep going to Guadalupe MRT. It was a normal thing for me to think of things, to worry of many many things around me. Teary-eyed again and again. Sick and tired of realizing how things went wrong. It was a whirlwind of emotions and it was an unconscious mind that's sinking in me. Not until..

As I was viewing the beautiful scenery of Ilog Pasig, the jeep went a little bit out of its fit. I don't know what was removed from the bottom part, it seems like they are tiny bits of a car part. Everybody was wondering what was happening, and I was like.. numb. I really don't know what was happening. But I felt very very very afraid that it might experienced out of control and we'll be pushed to somewhere.. to cut it short, we might have the accident, on the first day of the year.

It was nerve-racking. I was just starring closely to every people in the jeep. When it stopped and we all went down, people kept on complaining of what happened and said that if the driver was not that good into it, we might be taken to that scenario where we all don't want to.

I cried a little bit. It seems that my unconscious mind became conscious, it seems like I woke up from a long time bad dream. This is the first time I experienced this. I don't want to forever.

It made me realized one thing, life is not predictable. He can take it from me now, tomorrow or the next day, whenever it is time to go, He'll get this life from me. And when it comes, how will I leave people?

So sad that we don't know when will everything about us will end. I am busy with stressing myself about something that is yet to come. I don't enjoy everyday, I don't smile, I don't laugh. I am not happy. Not knowing that maybe later I'll be gone. I am not afraid, but what makes me sad is going without telling someone how I really feel.

I don't get the puzzle. The long wait is not yet over, it makes me tired, sick, unhappy, I don't when will this end. But I will fight. Over and over again. I'm so used to it. And to know that anytime I can go, it just made me soooo lonely.

How can people live without them doing the things that make them happy? Or without them being happy with something. Or without them doing what makes them happy. It is so disappointing and that's what makes me afraid.

I don't want to go unhappy. If ever I didn't have that opportunity to get what I want, I will wait for that time for me to feel happy for what I have. And that requires time. Time that I don't know how long. But since this incident, I realized future is not in my hands. This moment is mine. This moment that I am writing this is my power. I don't know how to be happy, but I must learn to deal with it.

This 1st of January, I should be happy every minute. I may not do this so good.. but I will try my best.